Shortly before WFH became the new normal, I was on a video call with a working mom who has several children and a stay-at-home husband who was in-charge of household management. My eyes were cast over the mountains of dirty laundry. This was her Saturday routine. By the look upon her face and her comments, she was expressing: “If you think you are supposed to be helping, then come do my laundry.” In essence, she was playing the victim card.

I thought to myself after the call: “Am I sitting on a high horse by suggesting that I can actually help empower women when there are so many day-to-day struggles holding down any particular woman?” After some churning and rumbling, I came to a resounding YES!

We have all tried to assert control over one task, extracting temporary and ever so fleeting gratification. But not having awareness that the dirty laundry is a metaphor for a deeper root cause, come next Saturday, the mountains will be there again.

She wasn’t naming the bigger problem: Why do the mountains pile up by Saturday? What’s not being delegated to other members of family, for example?

Until she decides to help herself, the cycle will repeat itself. And she risks alienating those around her who feel manipulated into “helping” by loading her washing machine.

Eve Rodsky in her new book Fair Play outlines a system for dividing up household responsibilities–a much fought over topic between couples–especially where expections about the handling of domestic tasks lead to increased dissonance.

More often than not, the “invisible” work is unevenly divided. Solutions to rebalancing the load may be closer at hand than we would think.  Rodsky’s innovative card deck is essentially a system of naming all the elements of the task, “conception, planning and execution,” and providing the vocabulary to initiate conversations to implement change in the division of domestic duties.

Precisely when we are overwhelmed and exhausted, we need a reminder that we can change our situation.

Is it a miracle pill? No, it will not make the laundry disappear.

Once a commitment to take the first step is made, pragmatic ways of changing the situation are more attainable than we may think.